REALITY. Reality has shown me many things. It has shown me who my true friends are. It has shown me that I am always stronger than I will ever actually believe of myself. Reality has both kissed my face gently as well as stabbed me in the back and twisted the knife to go in deeper. Reality is neither friend nor foe... it just is what it is. Right now, my reality just sucks.
I do believe in second chances... and have believed in dozens more before. Sometimes I think that I am just a sucker and other times I just think that I would like more chances if I were the other person because one of those chances, I might get it right. Well... I was wrong. Some people don't deserve second chances and certainly not third, fourth, and fifth. The problem is, you don't know for sure that they didn't deserve them until after the chances have already been given. Each time you give another chance, you end up just one step closer to the "just one more time" thought process that takes over your mind as you make yourself believe that whatever happened certainly gave them clarity this time. Am I right?
Reality of my life is that I endure on a daily basis the kinds of things that drive people to drink or kill themselves. I am actually pretty proud to still be standing. I am still here.
My world right now depends on my living close to audio and video recorders, witnesses, journaling, and thinking strategically. I don't like to consider myself to be a victim of anything. But if I am victim of anything, I am victim to a true sociopath. Reality is... I married and had a child with a sociopath. Not just any kind of sociopath... a high level security clearance ex Army Ranger sociopath whose training was particular in manipulation and torture... even in killing.
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