Catch and throw

Sam was quite the charmer. He comes off as a worldly man. One who has traveled, been educated, and has experienced many things. He also knows how to put on a show. He easily won the approval that of my friends and family by being charismatic and attentive. He was personable. He adjusted conversation easily to other people to make them feel like he was listening and interested in their conversations. Reality was, he was never interested in what anyone else had to say. He just put on a really good show.

It was difficult when I finally left because I was also very private. I never really told people about anything bad that happened because it made me feel stupid. By the time anyone knew anything about what was going on between us, it was like a ball flying out of left field for the people who had no clue. This included my own family. The first time I even mentioned anything to my father was when I found a conversation between Sam and one of his sisters on Skype talking about killing me. She told him to not kill me yet because they need the milk for 2.0... which is what he nicknamed our son. I forwarded that information to my father and to a friend for safe keeping had anything happened to me. This was within the month that I had our son, so I was floored. I thought that everything was okay at that point. Next thing you know I'm reading e-mails between him and a buddy saying to never have kids because they aren't worth it. He also told his buddy that I was a bitch, but an "itch needs a scratch." I came to realize that he frequently talked about me in that way to other people. He didn't say good things about me and would tell stories that never happened the way he said they did. He made me appear to be crazy, and I felt that way.

He would cast me away numerous times and reel me right back in with his charm. He knew just how to apologize (or threaten me), to get me to stay and get me to do what he needed of me. It was like he was sport fishing.... with one fish. I took the bait every time too.  Every other month he would throw me back in the water, and then after a few weeks he would bait me back in.